Things for Val's New House....PART 1

Time to find things I'll need for my new home to decorate with, found a few on ebay and thought I'd share:

ITEM #1:

Auction Title: "VELVET PAINTING: A Sad Clown and His Young Monkey Lover"

Yesh. I kid you not, listen to this GREAT description from the seller:

~ Forbidden Love ~
On Black Velvet

'twas a love that could never be...
The Sad Clown and His Young Monkey Lover

This is an original, hand-painted black velvet portrait of a Sad Clown and his Young Monkey Lover called "Forbidden Love" which was hand-painted by twin brothers from Tijuana, the professional Mexican velvet artists "The Velezquez Brothers." It was specially commissioned for "The Tijuana Black Velvet Standards of Indignico Inc., The Limitless Edition" a series of collectible, museum-quality black velvet paintings produced by The Patriot Portrait Collectibles of Indignico Inc. Each genuine, authentic Tijuana Black Velvet Painting within this series is guaranteed to have been painted entirely by hand in Tijuana, Mexico exclusively by the talented hands of a professional Mexican velvet Elvis artist from Tijuana, Mexico... and each one of these velvet paintings was created entirely for you,, the All-American American People---And that, my fellow Americans, is all due to the efforts of the fine folks and patriotic Corporate-American Executives over at Indignico Inc., An All-American American Company that will stop at absolutely nothing to smuggle, over the border and into your lives, just a little bit more All-American American Quality

That's right...you read that right...I didn't think it was possible, but dammit..a painting done in MEXICO by MEXICAN artists somehow translates as "All-American American Quality". Go figure.

ITEM #2:

Auction Title: Purple Cow Salt Pepper Shaker, Japan

From the seller: "This is a pretty little Purple cow carrying her yellow pale salt and pepper. She is made in Japan. There is mild crazing on salt and pepper shaker. there is no crazing in cow."

CLASSY!

ITEM #3:

Auction Title: Artistic Lamp by Gordon-Clown

From the seller: "Vintage Artistic Lamp by Gordon. Artistic-Gordon Lamp Products Co., Phila, 23, Pa. Style #Clown B. Base 6", Lamp 19" with Shade, 13" without. Shade is 18". Good Condition. Works!"

Clown my ass. That's a drunk hobo lamp! You ain't foolin' me!

ITEM #4:

Auction Title: 6 Pink Flamingos Twirling lawn ornament art YARD STAKES

F'in hell....SIX of these for 11 bucks! Now that's a bargain! Think how sweet my new lawn will be with a half dozen of these pink babies flappin in the wind. Now that's how you do landscaping, folks! You can never have too many pink flappin' flamingos! Of course they'll look great next to this....

ITEM #5:

Auction Title: JUNK IRON PIG PATIO GARDEN ART METAL LAWN DECOR 1173

From the seller: "Yeah....he's Rusty and sorta Funny Looking. But that's why we fell in love with these fellows as soon as we saw them! VERY UNIQUE piece would make a wonderful conversation piece for any decor. He's constructed from "spare parts"! We have others listed here in our ebay store if you care to look! The pig you see below is the pig you'll receive. Measures OVER A FOOT Tall (13"), 18" wide (front to back) & 1 /2" wide across the rump."

Thank god they measured its ass for me. I wouldn't want to waste 40 bucks plus shipping without knowing how wide my new iron piggie's backside is, if it was too small it wouldn't act as the perfect counterbalance to the circle of pink flappin' flamingos I'll be arranging around my new little lawn porkchop.

Now...I do need a new bed, where should I sleep?

ITEM #6:


Auction Description: Unique full-size Chevy S-10 TRUCK "BED"


Thank God for Ebay.