The Mystery of the Attic

Okay, so since I've been back at my parents' house I've noticed something.

There is something in the attic.

No, not just old clothes or Christmas decorations. I really mean something.....something alive.

So, on Thursday morning I get up and put on some makeup in my Dad's bathroom. I hear this sound coming from the celing over the shower. Something is up there, and it is making noise. AND IT IS BIG. Seriously, it sure as hell ain't no damn rat or squirrel. It sounds like a fuckin' Great Dane is up there having a seisure. And this is in the middle of the day.

So I go tell pop "Uh, you have something alive up in your attic I think." and he says "Oh yeah, I know, that damn animal, it's been there for over a year now." He really seems non-bothered by it.

He claims he had paid a couple hundred last year for some exterminators to go up there but they couldn't find anything. BULLSHIT. From the way this thing sounds up there, it must be the size of a small pony - you'd have to be deaf, blind, high on crack, or really retarded to miss it.

I keep wanting to go up into the attic to investigate, but Dad won't allow me to since last year he had our lesbian neighbor: "the black one", put up some traps there. She obviously took a wrong step and fell completely through the garage ceiling landing on the garage concrete floor in a pile of drywall rubble, somehow breaking her ankle in the process. Since I am known to be the family clutz I am not allowed anywhere near that attic. But I wanna KNOOOOW what the fuck is up there! So, as soon as Dad finally lets his guard down and goes to his girlfriend's house and leaves me here alone I am so taking a peek.

My first guess was raccoon. Maybe opossum. But the more I listen to it I'm leaning towards my initial assumption that it is an epileptic Great Dane.

Anyone wanna throw their money in the betting pool and take a guess what the mystery attic creature is? LOL.

To be continued.....with photos. Once dad leaves me alone in the house that is....

(No, the above is not an actual photo of the attic, but just one of many possible visions I may find up there. EEK!)