Apparently, that's what Jesus would do. (and did!) Today. LOLOLOL!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
The funny shit you sometimes find on myspace: ----------WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? --------
Found this on my myspace just now:
Apparently, that's what Jesus would do. (and did!) Today. LOLOLOL!
Apparently, that's what Jesus would do. (and did!) Today. LOLOLOL!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
SWEDEN: A Tradition in Teaching Kids To Be Racist Bastards.
I found a new picture that compliments one Bad Cop and I took long ago.
Remember this? Erasers found in the local Swedish toy store:
Well, check out this Bamse comic book:
And I know what you're thinking, this must be really old or something, like from the sixties!
Nope...first published in 1988. And then they figured it was too good to not publish a SECOND TIME, so it was republished in 1993.
I couldn't make shit like this up.
Remember this? Erasers found in the local Swedish toy store:
Well, check out this Bamse comic book:
And I know what you're thinking, this must be really old or something, like from the sixties!
Nope...first published in 1988. And then they figured it was too good to not publish a SECOND TIME, so it was republished in 1993.
I couldn't make shit like this up.
KIDS IN PITEÅ - SCHOOL LUNCHES BEING MADE CHEAPER.
Well, as everyone knows, the economy in Piteå is wonderful. It is a world of plenty where there are jobs for all and all us residents spend our free time rolling around in our riches, throwing priceless paintings at hobos and polishing our monocles.
That being said it appears good 'ol Piteå Tidningen had some great news for the local school kids in today's newspaper:
(Note: I have no idea if the above person is male or female. Can you tell? Let's just call them "Pat")
That's right bitches. "Pat" has decided that luxury such as feeding children properly is something too expensive for P-town to handle anymore. Piteå is so busted-down broke-ass they are now going to "downsize" on food for school kids and have decided to "cut back" by serving the school children GRUEL.
Damn. Just don't ask for seconds!
That being said it appears good 'ol Piteå Tidningen had some great news for the local school kids in today's newspaper:
(Note: I have no idea if the above person is male or female. Can you tell? Let's just call them "Pat")
That's right bitches. "Pat" has decided that luxury such as feeding children properly is something too expensive for P-town to handle anymore. Piteå is so busted-down broke-ass they are now going to "downsize" on food for school kids and have decided to "cut back" by serving the school children GRUEL.
Damn. Just don't ask for seconds!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Saturday, November 8, 2008
TOP TOYS TO PREPARE YOUR KIDS FOR WORKING IN SWEDEN
Toys aimed at teaching kids various skills are nothing new. But in Sweden, toys have to be realistic. With the availability of finding jobs nearly impossible in this country, it would be unwise to make your tot think he could make something of himself. Doctor? Lawyer? Fireman? HA! Not in Norrland at least...
Here is a sampling of toys that will help your kid learn the skills needed to get the top available jobs in North Sweden, all menial labor! Get them prepared now, as the competition for jobs such as these are TOUGH - every little bit helps!
JOB # 1: GAS STATION ATTENDANT
HELPFUL TOY: TONKA LITTLE GAS PUMP
Be sure junior knows the ins and outs of a career pumping gas early with the help of this little gem.
JOB #2: HOT DOG STREET VENDOR
HELPFUL TOY: BISTRO GRILLE BY STEP2
One of the more coveted jobs available in Sweden, your little tyke will be ready to attend hot dog university ahead of the pack with a lifetime of practice flipping and serving hot dogs thanks to Step2.
JOB #3: COFFEE SHOP EMPLOYEE
HELPFUL TOY: EDUCATIONAL INSIGHTS COFFEE MAKER
In the dog-eat-dog world of gaining employment in coffee shops, knowing how to make a cup of coffee is a must! Be sure your kid is prepared to enter this exciting industry!
JOB #4: FAST FOOD EMPLOYEE
HELPFUL TOY: McDONALDS REGISTER PLAYSET
As anyone knows in the North, getting a job in fast food is hard to do. Now your child can rise to the top of burger flipping fame and beat out the other 200 applicants vying for the title "fry master"! With working register and snazzy visor that lets the rest of the kids on the playground that you have a FUTURE!
JOB #5: PIZZA BAKER
HELPFUL TOY: JUST LIKE HOME PIZZA DECORATOR SET
A must for immigrant kids, this set will have your child ready for one of the only occupations available to them. Don't delay making sure your child will have a job- almost as good as the Swedes!
JOB #6: GROCERY STORY CASHIER
HELPFUL TOY: TALKING CASH REGISTER
One of the most difficult careers to obtain (and trust us, after being denied several times we know!) it is also one of the best. Your child will be scanning and ringing up the job offers in no time with the help of this little delight!
JOB #7: JANITOR
HELPFUL TOY: JUST LIKE HOME CLEANING TROLLY
Much like the pizza decorating set, this is a MUST for immigrant children. Be certain your kids can nab that coveted job that immigrants all over Sweden wish they could get. Complete with degrading push cart!
JOB #8: AIRPORT SECURITY ATTENDANT
HELPFUL TOY: SCAN-IT SECURITY CENTER PLAYSET
Though out of reach for immigrant children, if your child has a last name like "Nilsson" or "Svensson" they can be on the fast track to success with this nifty security set!
JOB #9: DISHWASHER
HELPFUL TOY: COLOR BRIGHT KITCHEN DISHWASHER
Though the sad fact is becoming a dishwasher in North Sweden is nearly impossible since you have to have so much experience, employers will take a shine to your child because they'll have been practicing the ins and outs of a career in dishwashing since childhood! Give them the advantage today!
Everyone knows how hard it is to get a career in dishwashing, jobs are abundant but only go to the select few with prior experience. Don't let your child grow up to see ads like these at Arbetsförmedlingen and hang their heads in shame - getting your foot in the door is hard to do - be sure your child is ready!
Here is a sampling of toys that will help your kid learn the skills needed to get the top available jobs in North Sweden, all menial labor! Get them prepared now, as the competition for jobs such as these are TOUGH - every little bit helps!
JOB # 1: GAS STATION ATTENDANT
HELPFUL TOY: TONKA LITTLE GAS PUMP
Be sure junior knows the ins and outs of a career pumping gas early with the help of this little gem.
JOB #2: HOT DOG STREET VENDOR
HELPFUL TOY: BISTRO GRILLE BY STEP2
One of the more coveted jobs available in Sweden, your little tyke will be ready to attend hot dog university ahead of the pack with a lifetime of practice flipping and serving hot dogs thanks to Step2.
JOB #3: COFFEE SHOP EMPLOYEE
HELPFUL TOY: EDUCATIONAL INSIGHTS COFFEE MAKER
In the dog-eat-dog world of gaining employment in coffee shops, knowing how to make a cup of coffee is a must! Be sure your kid is prepared to enter this exciting industry!
JOB #4: FAST FOOD EMPLOYEE
HELPFUL TOY: McDONALDS REGISTER PLAYSET
As anyone knows in the North, getting a job in fast food is hard to do. Now your child can rise to the top of burger flipping fame and beat out the other 200 applicants vying for the title "fry master"! With working register and snazzy visor that lets the rest of the kids on the playground that you have a FUTURE!
JOB #5: PIZZA BAKER
HELPFUL TOY: JUST LIKE HOME PIZZA DECORATOR SET
A must for immigrant kids, this set will have your child ready for one of the only occupations available to them. Don't delay making sure your child will have a job- almost as good as the Swedes!
JOB #6: GROCERY STORY CASHIER
HELPFUL TOY: TALKING CASH REGISTER
One of the most difficult careers to obtain (and trust us, after being denied several times we know!) it is also one of the best. Your child will be scanning and ringing up the job offers in no time with the help of this little delight!
JOB #7: JANITOR
HELPFUL TOY: JUST LIKE HOME CLEANING TROLLY
Much like the pizza decorating set, this is a MUST for immigrant children. Be certain your kids can nab that coveted job that immigrants all over Sweden wish they could get. Complete with degrading push cart!
JOB #8: AIRPORT SECURITY ATTENDANT
HELPFUL TOY: SCAN-IT SECURITY CENTER PLAYSET
Though out of reach for immigrant children, if your child has a last name like "Nilsson" or "Svensson" they can be on the fast track to success with this nifty security set!
JOB #9: DISHWASHER
HELPFUL TOY: COLOR BRIGHT KITCHEN DISHWASHER
Though the sad fact is becoming a dishwasher in North Sweden is nearly impossible since you have to have so much experience, employers will take a shine to your child because they'll have been practicing the ins and outs of a career in dishwashing since childhood! Give them the advantage today!
Everyone knows how hard it is to get a career in dishwashing, jobs are abundant but only go to the select few with prior experience. Don't let your child grow up to see ads like these at Arbetsförmedlingen and hang their heads in shame - getting your foot in the door is hard to do - be sure your child is ready!
Crazy About Chlamydia!
Are you young? Horny? Norwegian? Careless about condom use? Worried about getting "the Clap"? Then this article is for you! Luleå Hockey "star" Robin Lindqvist is here to teach us all about STD prevention!
Robin as you can see from the picture is not only a hockey player, he is also either a used car salesman or a porn star from the seventies. Love that suit and tie combo Robin! Love it! Boom-chicka-waaow! Actually he is an undercover reporter who skates and raps about stds! Does it get any better??
Here is the article translated from the original Swedish via Google Translator (I'm not doing it by hand, I got better shit to do with my time! If you want to read the original in Swedish click here). For those of you who are also lazy and just don't wanna read that much I've highlighted the awesomest parts.
"Careless with condoms" Are you young and horny, but careless about condoms? Then, the risk is great that you suffer from chlamydia. A venereal disease that is steadily increasing, mainly among young people. Now the county council takes the help of Luleå Hockey to get more people to protect themselves. The best way to protect themselves against sexually transmitted diseases is undoubtedly a condom. But it is perhaps not to do that the condemned person Norwegian (sorry, Norway!) Who got to choose execution method and elected to receive a syringe with the HIV virus. Afterward he laughed good and said "HAHA, I use a condom."
Condom is good. It is to show care, respect and love for his partner. Unfortunately, the trend is that fewer are using condoms, while chlamydia and other sexually transmitted diseases is increasing, says bio the doctor Anders Österlund.
The worrying trend is why the County Council's disease control unit chosen to cooperate with Luleå Hockey when the risks of unprotected sex to be elucidated. In a series of nine short films titled "no action without protection - the use of condoms" guides us hockey star Robin Lindqvist to safer sex practices. We cooperated with Luleå Hockey two years ago and got good penetration then. Hockey is a little macho and the hope is to reach more guys, "said Österlund. Robin Lindqvist is pleased with his effort as "investigative reporter". It was fun. We shall see what the guys say in training tomorrow, "he said, smiling.
The films are out on the County Council's website (www.nll.se) and will be used for information and discussion. The whole project has cost more than 300 000 kroner. Since the mid-90s, the number of cases of chlamydia has increased steadily in Sweden. 47 101 chlamydia cases. The majority (88 percent) were found in the 15-29 age group. Nowadays, chlamydia by far the most common sexually transmitted disease in Sweden. The disease is caused by a bacterium (Chlamydia trachomatis) and the incubation period is very short, often just a few days. Many who have the disease do not notice it, but for some the symptoms may be pain and itching when urination. Chlamydia can be cured with antibiotics, but women are not treated in danger of becoming sterile, men can get inflammation of the bi-testicles. Since chlamydia are classified as general dangerous disease, every case reported and the infected must declare any sexual partners he had.
So let's check out one of these awesome films...
Well done Robin! Well done! Although you sneaking around 2 homosexual guys' bedroom watching them have sex and then running out isn't as impressive as your film from last year...
What happened? What happened? Maybe you got an infection of the bi-testicles?
Robin as you can see from the picture is not only a hockey player, he is also either a used car salesman or a porn star from the seventies. Love that suit and tie combo Robin! Love it! Boom-chicka-waaow! Actually he is an undercover reporter who skates and raps about stds! Does it get any better??
Here is the article translated from the original Swedish via Google Translator (I'm not doing it by hand, I got better shit to do with my time! If you want to read the original in Swedish click here). For those of you who are also lazy and just don't wanna read that much I've highlighted the awesomest parts.
"Careless with condoms" Are you young and horny, but careless about condoms? Then, the risk is great that you suffer from chlamydia. A venereal disease that is steadily increasing, mainly among young people. Now the county council takes the help of Luleå Hockey to get more people to protect themselves. The best way to protect themselves against sexually transmitted diseases is undoubtedly a condom. But it is perhaps not to do that the condemned person Norwegian (sorry, Norway!) Who got to choose execution method and elected to receive a syringe with the HIV virus. Afterward he laughed good and said "HAHA, I use a condom."
Condom is good. It is to show care, respect and love for his partner. Unfortunately, the trend is that fewer are using condoms, while chlamydia and other sexually transmitted diseases is increasing, says bio the doctor Anders Österlund.
The worrying trend is why the County Council's disease control unit chosen to cooperate with Luleå Hockey when the risks of unprotected sex to be elucidated. In a series of nine short films titled "no action without protection - the use of condoms" guides us hockey star Robin Lindqvist to safer sex practices. We cooperated with Luleå Hockey two years ago and got good penetration then. Hockey is a little macho and the hope is to reach more guys, "said Österlund. Robin Lindqvist is pleased with his effort as "investigative reporter". It was fun. We shall see what the guys say in training tomorrow, "he said, smiling.
The films are out on the County Council's website (www.nll.se) and will be used for information and discussion. The whole project has cost more than 300 000 kroner. Since the mid-90s, the number of cases of chlamydia has increased steadily in Sweden. 47 101 chlamydia cases. The majority (88 percent) were found in the 15-29 age group. Nowadays, chlamydia by far the most common sexually transmitted disease in Sweden. The disease is caused by a bacterium (Chlamydia trachomatis) and the incubation period is very short, often just a few days. Many who have the disease do not notice it, but for some the symptoms may be pain and itching when urination. Chlamydia can be cured with antibiotics, but women are not treated in danger of becoming sterile, men can get inflammation of the bi-testicles. Since chlamydia are classified as general dangerous disease, every case reported and the infected must declare any sexual partners he had.
So let's check out one of these awesome films...
Well done Robin! Well done! Although you sneaking around 2 homosexual guys' bedroom watching them have sex and then running out isn't as impressive as your film from last year...
What happened? What happened? Maybe you got an infection of the bi-testicles?
TOP 18 TOYS AND GIFTS FOR THE FJORTIS-IN-TRAINING
The holiday season is fast approaching, and with it comes the question most parents ask themselves: How can I ensure my daughter will grow up to be a slut? Well look no further than your local Toys-R-Us! Almost everything the mini-fjortis needs can be found under one roof. Here are hoboriffic's top picks for this season:
THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT
#18: The Slutty Santa Chloe from Bratz:
The doll that shows girls what the holidays are all about, preparing to be a Ho, Ho, Ho. Note: Fuck-me-boots included!
THE PIERCINGS
#17: Hello Kitty and Tinkerbell Belly Rings:
Because no fjortis is complete without some sort of body piercing that is inappropriate for her age, these rings are great starter kits for the mini-ho.
THE HAIR
But what about the hair....if one is to be a PROPER fjortis, one must have hair that is pite-riffic, full of crazy colors and put into that stylish chic "swedish girl mullet" to be taken seriously. Well, here's the best of this years toys to make sure you too will have sluttastic hair!:
#16: Bratz Hair Color Station:
Found in page 57 of the Swedish Toys-R-Us Holiday catalog, this product boasts that not only can it be used on your Bratz dolls, but for YOU TOO!
#15: Bratz Hair Color Torso:
Again, not only can you use this to "fjortify" Chloe's sexy bare-midriffed torso, the toymaker insists that once you practice your skills, you can fuck up your own hair too!
#14: Dream Dazzlers Stylist Chair:
Tired of having to go to the salon to get that awesome mullet frilla? Look no further, now you can do it at home!
#13: Dream Dazzlers Hair Color Kit:
When you've got that perfect fjortis cut, you better be sure to have the right multitude of tacky hair colors. No Salon Chair kit would be complete without this add-on!
#12: Girl Crush Hair Extension Studio:
Uh oh, cut too much of your hair off in the salon chair? No worries, the Girl Crish Hair Extension studio will make sure you too have crazy colorful extensions without having to throw away tons of kronor at those expensive salons!
#11: Hair Streaker Set:
Now that you have the cut and color, you won't be considered a fjortis without streaks of wildly-colored-shit in your hair. But no worries, for the low price of 189:90- SEK Toys-R-Us in Sweden has you covered! :)
THE TATTOOS
No fjortis can walk the malls without bearing the fjortis-trademark, the underage and inappropriate tattoo! Luckily, this holiday season brings a multitude of products to the Swedish market - many of which are either not being sold in the American market or are incredibly unpopular and hard-to-find...wow, who knew? Maybe because Americans see "keeping their daughter off the pole" as part of a good parenting plan?
#10: High School Musical 2 Tattoo Studio: (Only 249:90- SEK!)
#9: Hannah Montana Tattoo Gun: (Only 239:90- SEK!)
#8: Girl Crush Tattoo Studio: (Only 239:90- SEK!)
THE LIFESTYLE
#7: Everyone knows that fjortisar spend 90% of their time wandering the mall. Get your child prepared now by getting her the Hannah Montana Mall Madness Game!:
THE CLOTHING
So now you have almost everything down, but what about the style, the look? Well, Toys-R-Us has you covered there too! Choose from a variety of "play fashions" and you'll be ready to strut the mall with your friends in slutariffic style in no time!
May we suggest any of these fine choices:
#6: IDOL Dress Up Kit:
#5: Hello Kitty Rockabilly Kit:
#4: High School Musical Sharpay End-Of-Year Dress Up:
#3: Hannah Montana in Gold Dress n' Play:
#2: High School Musical Sharpay Golf Dress Up Kit:
AND NOW FOR THE NUMBER ONE HOLIDAY ITEM FOR THE UP-AND-COMING-FJORTIS..........
#1: Home Chlamydia Test:
Not available at Toys_R-Us yet but should be. Pick yours up for 298:- SEK here.
Happy Ho-Ho-Holidays!,
Hoboriffic
THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT
#18: The Slutty Santa Chloe from Bratz:
The doll that shows girls what the holidays are all about, preparing to be a Ho, Ho, Ho. Note: Fuck-me-boots included!
THE PIERCINGS
#17: Hello Kitty and Tinkerbell Belly Rings:
Because no fjortis is complete without some sort of body piercing that is inappropriate for her age, these rings are great starter kits for the mini-ho.
THE HAIR
But what about the hair....if one is to be a PROPER fjortis, one must have hair that is pite-riffic, full of crazy colors and put into that stylish chic "swedish girl mullet" to be taken seriously. Well, here's the best of this years toys to make sure you too will have sluttastic hair!:
#16: Bratz Hair Color Station:
Found in page 57 of the Swedish Toys-R-Us Holiday catalog, this product boasts that not only can it be used on your Bratz dolls, but for YOU TOO!
#15: Bratz Hair Color Torso:
Again, not only can you use this to "fjortify" Chloe's sexy bare-midriffed torso, the toymaker insists that once you practice your skills, you can fuck up your own hair too!
#14: Dream Dazzlers Stylist Chair:
Tired of having to go to the salon to get that awesome mullet frilla? Look no further, now you can do it at home!
#13: Dream Dazzlers Hair Color Kit:
When you've got that perfect fjortis cut, you better be sure to have the right multitude of tacky hair colors. No Salon Chair kit would be complete without this add-on!
#12: Girl Crush Hair Extension Studio:
Uh oh, cut too much of your hair off in the salon chair? No worries, the Girl Crish Hair Extension studio will make sure you too have crazy colorful extensions without having to throw away tons of kronor at those expensive salons!
#11: Hair Streaker Set:
Now that you have the cut and color, you won't be considered a fjortis without streaks of wildly-colored-shit in your hair. But no worries, for the low price of 189:90- SEK Toys-R-Us in Sweden has you covered! :)
THE TATTOOS
No fjortis can walk the malls without bearing the fjortis-trademark, the underage and inappropriate tattoo! Luckily, this holiday season brings a multitude of products to the Swedish market - many of which are either not being sold in the American market or are incredibly unpopular and hard-to-find...wow, who knew? Maybe because Americans see "keeping their daughter off the pole" as part of a good parenting plan?
#10: High School Musical 2 Tattoo Studio: (Only 249:90- SEK!)
#9: Hannah Montana Tattoo Gun: (Only 239:90- SEK!)
#8: Girl Crush Tattoo Studio: (Only 239:90- SEK!)
THE LIFESTYLE
#7: Everyone knows that fjortisar spend 90% of their time wandering the mall. Get your child prepared now by getting her the Hannah Montana Mall Madness Game!:
THE CLOTHING
So now you have almost everything down, but what about the style, the look? Well, Toys-R-Us has you covered there too! Choose from a variety of "play fashions" and you'll be ready to strut the mall with your friends in slutariffic style in no time!
May we suggest any of these fine choices:
#6: IDOL Dress Up Kit:
#5: Hello Kitty Rockabilly Kit:
#4: High School Musical Sharpay End-Of-Year Dress Up:
#3: Hannah Montana in Gold Dress n' Play:
#2: High School Musical Sharpay Golf Dress Up Kit:
AND NOW FOR THE NUMBER ONE HOLIDAY ITEM FOR THE UP-AND-COMING-FJORTIS..........
#1: Home Chlamydia Test:
Not available at Toys_R-Us yet but should be. Pick yours up for 298:- SEK here.
Happy Ho-Ho-Holidays!,
Hoboriffic
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
More Mannequins!!!
I just can't get enough of the Swedish mannequins. I fear Hobo Shoes has awakened a fetish inside good ole Bad Cop. Here are some of the gems I saw today while perusin my friend the interweb...someone is gonna have some fucked up dreams tonight!
The first comes from the "Wanted" section of eniro.se (the Swedish equivalent of the Yellow Pages). Our collector in Uppland is looking for "Older mannequins, preferably older mannequins with a molded hair-do". Personally I enjoy his fashion taste in dressing his mannequins. The hat, the shades, the jacket, this just screams Top Gun! I wonder what he does with his "Older model mannequins"? Plausible car pool members? Filler for that emtpy sofa? or does he do what Hobo Shoes wants to do someday and dress his mannequins in the outfits he is planning on wearing tomorrow.
Example 2 comes to us from Stockholm...I don't think much explanation is needed to get into the Swedish Psyche..but who doesn't love boobs?
Finally...a Swedish child mannequin... I'm so scared right now!
The first comes from the "Wanted" section of eniro.se (the Swedish equivalent of the Yellow Pages). Our collector in Uppland is looking for "Older mannequins, preferably older mannequins with a molded hair-do". Personally I enjoy his fashion taste in dressing his mannequins. The hat, the shades, the jacket, this just screams Top Gun! I wonder what he does with his "Older model mannequins"? Plausible car pool members? Filler for that emtpy sofa? or does he do what Hobo Shoes wants to do someday and dress his mannequins in the outfits he is planning on wearing tomorrow.
Example 2 comes to us from Stockholm...I don't think much explanation is needed to get into the Swedish Psyche..but who doesn't love boobs?
Finally...a Swedish child mannequin... I'm so scared right now!
Monday, November 3, 2008
My favorite Halloween Treat!
This is my new favo Halloween treat. Halloween Paté. What kid wouldn't like tasty tasty paté treats? What makes this tasty snack even better is that it is still for sale at full price on November 3rd! (also if you look in the background you can see Hobo Shoes' favo snack, feta cheese...those slavs love feta and olives!)
Urban Dictionary Editing Brings up Suspicions...
So there I am editing new entries over at urbandictionary.com and guess what pops up:
Spooky. O_o
Spooky. O_o
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Things for Val's New House....PART 1
Time to find things I'll need for my new home to decorate with, found a few on ebay and thought I'd share:
ITEM #1:
ITEM #1:
Auction Title: "VELVET PAINTING: A Sad Clown and His Young Monkey Lover"
Yesh. I kid you not, listen to this GREAT description from the seller:
~ Forbidden Love ~
On Black Velvet
'twas a love that could never be...
The Sad Clown and His Young Monkey Lover
This is an original, hand-painted black velvet portrait of a Sad Clown and his Young Monkey Lover called "Forbidden Love" which was hand-painted by twin brothers from Tijuana, the professional Mexican velvet artists "The Velezquez Brothers." It was specially commissioned for "The Tijuana Black Velvet Standards of Indignico Inc., The Limitless Edition" a series of collectible, museum-quality black velvet paintings produced by The Patriot Portrait Collectibles of Indignico Inc. Each genuine, authentic Tijuana Black Velvet Painting within this series is guaranteed to have been painted entirely by hand in Tijuana, Mexico exclusively by the talented hands of a professional Mexican velvet Elvis artist from Tijuana, Mexico... and each one of these velvet paintings was created entirely for you,, the All-American American People---And that, my fellow Americans, is all due to the efforts of the fine folks and patriotic Corporate-American Executives over at Indignico Inc., An All-American American Company that will stop at absolutely nothing to smuggle, over the border and into your lives, just a little bit more All-American American Quality
That's right...you read that right...I didn't think it was possible, but dammit..a painting done in MEXICO by MEXICAN artists somehow translates as "All-American American Quality". Go figure.
ITEM #2:
Auction Title: Purple Cow Salt Pepper Shaker, Japan
From the seller: "This is a pretty little Purple cow carrying her yellow pale salt and pepper. She is made in Japan. There is mild crazing on salt and pepper shaker. there is no crazing in cow."
CLASSY!
ITEM #3:
Auction Title: Artistic Lamp by Gordon-Clown
From the seller: "Vintage Artistic Lamp by Gordon. Artistic-Gordon Lamp Products Co., Phila, 23, Pa. Style #Clown B. Base 6", Lamp 19" with Shade, 13" without. Shade is 18". Good Condition. Works!"
Clown my ass. That's a drunk hobo lamp! You ain't foolin' me!
ITEM #4:
Auction Title: 6 Pink Flamingos Twirling lawn ornament art YARD STAKES
F'in hell....SIX of these for 11 bucks! Now that's a bargain! Think how sweet my new lawn will be with a half dozen of these pink babies flappin in the wind. Now that's how you do landscaping, folks! You can never have too many pink flappin' flamingos! Of course they'll look great next to this....
ITEM #5:
Auction Title: JUNK IRON PIG PATIO GARDEN ART METAL LAWN DECOR 1173
From the seller: "Yeah....he's Rusty and sorta Funny Looking. But that's why we fell in love with these fellows as soon as we saw them! VERY UNIQUE piece would make a wonderful conversation piece for any decor. He's constructed from "spare parts"! We have others listed here in our ebay store if you care to look! The pig you see below is the pig you'll receive. Measures OVER A FOOT Tall (13"), 18" wide (front to back) & 1 /2" wide across the rump."
Thank god they measured its ass for me. I wouldn't want to waste 40 bucks plus shipping without knowing how wide my new iron piggie's backside is, if it was too small it wouldn't act as the perfect counterbalance to the circle of pink flappin' flamingos I'll be arranging around my new little lawn porkchop.
Now...I do need a new bed, where should I sleep?
ITEM #6: 
Auction Description: Unique full-size Chevy S-10 TRUCK "BED"
Thank God for Ebay.
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